Love Defined

I guess it worked out for the both of us at the time. We found the things we both wanted; excitement, pleasure, fun.

But was it love that we were searching for, or just a good time?

In the dictionary lust is defined as an “intense sexual desire or appetite.”

I don’t really think we fit into that picture. I was never into cannibalism.

Also in the dictionary, love is “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

I guess I could stay I was in love with him.

I guess I always had been.

I wasn’t sure where he stood, but I always assumed that he was in love with me as well. We never spoke it, but we felt it. We felt it with our minds, bodies, spirits, and our hearts.

The summer we had together was grand. Full of sleepless nights, longing stares, affectionate touches, innocent kisses…

Bliss didn’t last much longer after that.

Our brother found out one evening. We had been cuddled up next to each other, kissing each other softly. Immediately, Kevin stumbled into the bathroom to empty his stomach. We tried to comfort him, to tell him it was okay, and that love was love. All he could do was shout profanities at us, telling us that “it wasn’t normal” and that we were going to be “sent to Hell” for what we had done.

He didn’t give us a chance to explain ourselves, nor did he give us time to beg him to keep it a secret.

That night, Nick left my side.

He was sent to boarding school so that we could be separated. I couldn’t even imagine what he was going through.

Was he the kid that never spoke up?

Was he the kid everyone hated from afar?

Did anyone look out for my younger brother?

Did anyone care?

For the next two weeks, I hardly ate or drank. I only went out of my room when it was necessary.

What could I say? I felt horrid.

I needed my brother with me. I wasn’t even sure if I would see him again.

Mom and Dad hated me. Kevin hated me. My little brother Frankie wasn’t even allowed to come near me, and he had no idea why.

The only I could do was lie in bed and hope for Nick’s unlikely return and replay the memories of our summer in my mind.

I remembered the first time we made love:

"Are you sure about this, Nick?" I asked, my voice shaky and nervous. I had never done this before. Neither had he.

Of course we had our vows, our purity rings, but I was willing to break all my promises for him. Just to have him. Just so we could have each other.

He was willing to do the same for me.

"Of course I am," he whispered, and I pressed my lips to his in response. He kissed me back gently. His lips felt so perfect against my own.

He took my hand and slid off the ring from my left finger, and I did the same to his. We set them on the little table next to the bed.

Nick took my hand and pressed a sweet kiss to my now-bare finger, and I couldn't help but smile.

My hands trailed down to the waistband of his boxers and I slowly stripped him of them, my eyes wandering his body; he was simply beautiful.

I couldn't call him anything else. "Sexy" and "hot" didn't suit him. He was my sweet, sweet little angel, and any name that seemed demeaning towards him was out of my book.

To me, he was beautiful, smart, creative, wonderful, magical, gorgeous, talented... and much, much more.

He was perfect.

We were perfect.

That same night we had talked about the future:

"Joe?" Nick asked me softly, his arms slid around my waist and he kissed my bare shoulder.

"Yeah?" I wondered softly, my eyes closed.

"How long do you think we can stay like this?"

I moved his arm so I could turn my body around to face him. I pulled him close, my fingers running through his curls.

That was a tough question and I wasn't ready to lie to him; forever wasn't possible in our situation.

"However long we can, Nicky."

I could feel him bury his face against my neck, his steady breath hitting my skin gently.

But then, I could feel him shaking.

"Nicky?"

He looked up to me with tear-filled eyes. The moon that shone through the window made them extremely beautiful, "This won't work in the future, will it?"

"Honestly, I d-don't know," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Our parents are going to expect us to get married. They're going to expect us to have kids. All they do is want, want, want."

"I want things, too, Joe. And I want you. I can't lose what we have. You're my everything."

"I know, baby. I know. I can't lose you either. I won't give you up without a fight."

That's when it clicked, during that memory.

I couldn't give up on him and just wish him back into my arms; that would never happen.

I needed to work for my baby back.

I was going to find him, no matter what it took.

I slid out of bed one night when I was sure everyone was asleep and I made my way downstairs without a single noise.

Sneaking into my father's office, I found that his desk was all cleaned off. He was such a neat freak.

Sighing, I knew this meant I was going to have to shuffle through some very organized files. I had to leave everything exactly the way it was otherwise he would understand what was I was planning, and I couldn’t let that happen.

I got down on my knees and opened the small top left drawer, finding a treasure trove of opened and unopened letters, separated into piles.

I picked out a pile and sorted through it. That’s when I found the school’s name and address.

“California?” I whispered softly.

That’s when I felt someone standing behind me. I turned around and stared at the intruder like a deer in the headlights.

“What are you doing?”

“N-Nothing, Kevin.”

“You’re going to try to find Nick, aren’t you?”

I swallowed and realized my throat was now dry. I couldn’t lie.

Slowly, I finally nodded.

He sighed, “I’ll keep an eye out for anyone. I don’t need you to get into any more trouble than you already are.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because,” Kevin bit his lip for a moment. “I’m really sorry, and I guess I should have realized that you two really love each other, and no matter what happens, you’ll always be my brothers. Nothing should change the way I feel about you two. Jonases for life, yeah?”

“Yeah,” I whispered softly and looked down.

“I’m so sorry, Joe.”

I looked up at him and he hugged me.

“I know you’ll take care of him,” he whispered.

Kevin pulled away and then left me so I could finish up my business as quick as possible. I wrote down the name of the academy and the address. Then I put everything away into the office.

I exited, putting the piece of paper securely into my pocket and closed the door.

My brother was standing there, a smirk on his face, “I’m assuming you got it?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

“Good,” he smiled and ruffled my hair. “Now get to bed. I’ll buy you a plane ticket.”

“But—”

He put his hand up, “I caused all of this, and now I’m repaying my debt. You love him, he loves you. It’s clear to me now. So please, go to bed and stop arguing before I change my mind.”

I smiled. It was the first smile since the few moments before Nick and I were found out.

“Thank you so much,” I whispered.

“Don’t mention it. Really. Don’t.”

The next day I was on a plane to California. Kevin even had the nerve to MapQuest the place for me. It’s not as if I was renting a car. I could just take a taxi.

But at this moment, I would even hijack a car just to get my Nicky back.

Disney would have a fit. I laughed at the thought as I got my bag from the luggage carousel. I traveled light this time around. I hoped I didn’t need to stay longer than I needed to, even if I did love this state.

It ended up that Kevin had gotten me a personal driver.

A limo.

Wow, what a getaway car; I’d have to thank him for that one later.

“Where would you like to go, Mr. Jonas?”

“Call me Joe,” I said. “Can you take me to this address, please?” I asked, handing him the piece of paper I had fetched from my pocket. I had guarded that as if my life depended on it.

In a way, my life did depend on it.

Nick was my life.

It took approximately an hour to arrive at my destination. I hope Kevin didn’t have to pay too much for this unnecessary ride.

I got out when the car was slowing to a stop. I didn’t want to take my time.

I bolted as fast as my legs could take me, and by the time I got to the door of the manor-looking academy, I was out of breath.

Finally, I knocked.

A girl, about my age answered.

“Hello. How may I help you?” She asked politely, brushing some blonde locks away from her face.

“Uh, I’m here to see Nicholas Jonas.”

She checked her clipboard.

“Oh, I’m sorry. He’s not supposed to have visitors.”

“W-What do you mean? I traveled all the way from New Jersey to visit him!”

She frowned, “I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can do. I just work here for my dad.”

I let out an aggravated sigh.

“Don’t make me get on my knees and beg.”

The girl frowned, “All right, all right. You can go see him. But if you get caught, I had nothing to do with it. Room 116. That’s second floor, sixteenth room to the left.” She pointed up the stairs with her pen.

Thanking her, I bolted up the stairs, trying not to act suspicious, but I couldn’t help it.

My heart thumped loudly and I could hear it in my ears.

My stomach did flips and caused me to feel nauseated.

My mouth dried up and I couldn’t speak, only breathe.

My hands became quite sweaty and started to shake.

Then finally, I was outside his room.

I knocked quietly, all of a sudden out of energy. I couldn’t even bang my fist on the door any louder.

Then, it opened.

“Joe? What are y—”

I silenced Nick with a kiss, my lips applying pressure to his and pushed him into the room. I shut the door behind us and slid my fingers through his hair. God, his curls felt as soft as ever, his mouth felt so good connected to mine, and our tongues danced together in a friendly battle of dominance.

Finally, I broke away, panting softly.

“I love you. I love you so much. I don’t think I’ve ever said that to you before, but I do. I love you so fucking much. I never want to lose you again.”

Nick’s eyes lit up as he stared into my eyes. I could practically feel the happiness radiating off of him.

“I love you, too, Joe. I always have, and I always will.”

We moved to lie down on his bed. I hovered over him and smiled. He flashed a smile back at me, causing my heart to skip a beat.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” he whispered.

“You think I could let you go that easy?”

He smiled and let out a content sigh, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

That was our love.